Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
