My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
