Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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