Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
