Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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