how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
