Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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