Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But break dance skills will only take you so far
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
