I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
