There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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