In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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