You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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