god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
