Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize