SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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