I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
