Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
