I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
