I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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