I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
