Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
