I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
