I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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