my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
