Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
