I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
