Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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