Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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