in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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