I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I looked at my own cervix.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
