Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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