My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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