you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
