Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
