doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
