soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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