I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
