dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
