proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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