The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm passing your future prison.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
