I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
