Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
