You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
