i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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