I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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