Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
