you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
