Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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