ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
