You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
