in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
