"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
