I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
