he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
