Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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