i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
