I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
