Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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