I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize