woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
