I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There r osticjed everywhere
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
