Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
