went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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