I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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