Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
