Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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