I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sorry my hands just texted you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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