He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
