he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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