somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
