If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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