i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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