yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am available for nakedness
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
