Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
